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  • Writer's pictureEmily Taylor

2020-21 Recovery


Recovering from the stress and anguish of the past few years is going to end up being a process. I haven’t handled writing or publishing for years now, and I am worried that I have completely missed all the changes in the publishing arena. My goal has always been to become a writer, to sit down, write the books, complete those projects, and create something to be proud of. I was on my way before I took a full time, office job, but I had to weigh the needs of my family there too. It was a hard decision, but in the end, a steady income won out over the variability in independent publishing.


So, here I am, 6 years later, and I feel like I don’t even know where to begin. And it’s easy to say “Well, just write,” but when your brain tries to parse out all the steps, that seems huge and insurmountable. With ADHD, that generally means getting stuck doing nothing because how do you even start. And that’s why I am doing this. Sitting here in front of the computer, writing this blog entry is the first start. And I am doing this, in no small part, because I am also trying to help Boychild become better than I am. That also means, metaphorically, I need to put on my own gas mask before worrying about his. That also means I need to figure out what and where my gas mask is.


Every year, I start off bold and ready to take on the world, fix my shit, and become Super-Me. Every year, something happens, things don’t get fixed, and I am left feeling like a failure at the end even though I know things went off the rails. After these past two years, I’m not making that New Year’s Resolution. This year, I am going to try and not put that pressure on myself while I figure out how the new normal looks.


I need to figure out how best to support my family and myself while regaining my passion. I’m less concerned about politics, but that could also be due to trauma exhaustion. And, I’m not going anywhere anyhow, and I certainly don’t trust the maskless people in stores while new variants are surging, so fewer distractions there as well. At this point, my plan is really to take stock of where I find joy. What brings me that sense of balance and peace? What things are truly important? And that means winnowing down and getting back to basics.


Obviously, the Husband and the kids are important, the pets, but those are also external. My focus on them will always be there, but I also need to look inward. What are the things that bring me, personally, joy. To that end, I have begun to regroup. I purchased the 2022 Magical Almanac and the Witches’ Datebook. I have my Cat Tarot, and I even purchased and am using some incredibly soft yarn in my crocheting. For Christmas, I received an indoor greenhouse, and while I did not get my rosebush planted last year, it has sprouted leaves and is growing in my basement, waiting for warmer weather. And, today, I am breaking out the new bread machine I got this summer.


Recovery may be slow, and it will be hard, but I will find a way to get there.


 

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